Here’s the thing: Balancing motherhood and independence will make you ask, “Will This Take Time From My Baby?” It’s the question that makes you second-guess your role as a parent. And the answer? Most likely, yes. That’s how balance works. Unless you’re doing Kegels during swim lessons, you’ll need a few personal moments to flip a pancake—and that’s okay. So how do we make space for ourselves without guilt?
1. Put That Baby Down!
Newly discharged residents of motherhood, this one’s for you. I know, your baby smells like happiness and feels like butter. I know, they are the purest, most delightful part of yourself, and everything feels better with them in your arms. But if you don’t put them down, you are creating a cuddly sleep monster. One that never lets you release them.
For 0-6-month-olds, you can…
- Sit crisscross and lay them in your lap, their head on your thigh.
- Lay them in a bedside bassinet, so you can still stare at them every 5 minutes.
- Lay them in their CRIB, a novel and challenging idea.
For babies older than 6 months, you can also..
- Don’t underestimate the value of a good toy or set of toys.
- Help your baby explore by letting them sit up, stand up, and move around.
- This takes time and baby proofing, but is worth the investment.
- Set up sensory activities like: pasta bags, glitter bottles, anything that makes noise and is visually appealing. (Supervision may be needed for some of these, but much less than if they weren’t strapped into a high chair.
- Lastly, QUICK! Please drop them off at your parents and thank them later! Hahahaha… or a daycare with cameras. 🙂
You must find the balance between holding them and letting them develop a sense of independence. Your independence starts with their independence. Balance can creep into those moments of you eating breakfast while they’re in the high chair.. chewing the remote.
2. Make a Loose Plan, and Stick To It.
Once you’re at the point of wanting to do more, it’s time to ask yourself what that looks like. You’ll have to remember who you are and if you still like the things you did before baby. Make a bubble map of hobbies and interests (and related careers). Then, break it down into steps and execute. Don’t focus on plans like “get a job” or “hang out with Tom”.
Instead, focus on things you can do little by little every day, like:
- Cleaning, reorganizing, and redesigning your space
- Applying to School
- Building a Vision Board, or hosting a vision board party.. for moms!
- Working on your garden, or repainting your kitchen?
- Going to the movies or going shopping
The point is, focus on something that lets you feel productive every day. We don’t want to get into a slump over not getting a text back from Sarah or Sam. This is OUR time we’re reclaiming, not someone else’s. This is your chance to remember who you are outside of motherhood. Explore whether your old interests still light you up. Consider if it’s time to find new ones.
3. Give Yourself Grace.
I said loose plan for a reason, because you’re a MOM and things change, lol. The point of the plan is to give you a way to make progress. It helps you feel productive every day. It is not meant to give you another thing to stress over. It feels nice to get items checked off, but ideally you’ll give yourself the grace to take a little longer on some things and still feel proud of the progress you’re making. Oh, and good job already!
If you feel like you’re already X years old, and you don’t want to be however old when you are doing what you’re doing or however old when you finish, do it anyway. Because if you don’t do it now, you’ll just be older when you finally do and still unfulfilled. So go be the 25-year-old college student, 30-year-old new chef, or 50-year-old consultant. The truth is, you’re not behind, you’re beginning again, and that’s brave.
4. Take Advantage of Nap Time
Naptime for your baby means two things for you:
- A moment of reprieve for you, where you nap, too.
- A bonus hour to do what requires dedicated attention.
Whether it’s by lettuce water, using aromatherapy, playing rain music, or milk, your baby is eventually going to fall asleep, and it’s on you to be the voice of reason that decides whether you need rest too. There are always going to be the people who say, “Do it while the baby sleeps” or “Sleep when baby sleeps”, and both crowds are correct. Invest in some bed rails for your bed if you have to. These are my favorite. Get some real sleep or great progress towards your goal.
5. Embrace Community
Being a mom means joining the army of superwomen who always find a way to make it work, BUT that doesn’t mean you have to make it work alone. Whether it’s friends, family, your neighbors begging to see the new baby, or your “acquaintances” on Peanut, there are people semi-around you who want to help. SO, take advantage of those resources and practice being in your own space from time to time. Here’s a checklist of things to do that involve relying on and growing your community.
- Take a shower, do your nails, and wash your hair by yourself.
- Reach out to a group or 3 people on Peanut or Facebook AND attend a mom-focused activity with said group.
- Go the the movies by yourself! Or grocery shopping.. same thing either way if you have headphones.
Side note! Community isn’t just about getting help; it’s about knowing you aren’t alone in this. In the end, balancing being a person and being a mom means finding ways to do things together and finding ways to respect your and your children’s autonomy. As much as we want to hold tight and never let them go, we have to remember that they’re people too. You both need a sense of healthy independence and to feel like you’re growing in that with the support of your community. Your boundaries will change and evolve, but you have to give yourself the leeway to function and feed yourself (physically, emotionally, and spiritually) as much as you feed your baby. Show them that taking care of yourself matters too.
